I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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