I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
