she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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