On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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