Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
