He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
