this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
