I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I skipped work to stalk him.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
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