Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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