I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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