i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize