They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
