Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
