i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
