today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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