it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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