Got a toothbrush?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
