so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
