I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
