Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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