and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
