so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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