my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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