Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
