I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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