Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
