ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
