chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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