And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
