My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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