I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
