I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
