Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
