If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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