my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize