I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
