i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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