Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
