I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
