Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize