I bet he comes in French.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
