literally had 100 drinks last night.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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