How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
