Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also, beer. Big fan.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
