I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
