Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
