what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
