i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
