Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
