i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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