I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
