he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
