and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
