We're facebook friends in real life
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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