i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
