So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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