I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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