We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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