The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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