did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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