wakey wakey hands off snakey
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
