and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
