yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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