3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
