you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
