he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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