why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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