there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
