Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize